Dateline June 27th Pacific City Oregon on the Sand Dune……
An Enormous Male Genitalia, anatomically correct in all aspects, is ready to be attached to the Massive Girthy Statue of Francisco Pizarro in Pacific City Oregon at the top of the Dune. The Large Male Appendage is over 16 feet long and will be attached with industrial adhesive. Riots erupted in the local Baptist Church. The Riots were quickly quelled by use of tear gas, mace and rubber shot gun shells by the always alert Francisco Pizzarro Security Force.
The Pecker is scheduled to be attached on the 4th of July, 2013, in the early evening, by skilled Italian stone masons. A wine tasting with appetizers is set to start at 6:00 PM that day. The Appetizers are truly a Tour de Force of Gastronomic treats not normally seen in your local supermarket or restaurants. Below is a partial list of the appetizers to be provided.
Appetizers are to include: Provided By:
Squirrel Stew The Dead Squirrel Inn Annandale Virginia
Walrus Cheeseburger Willie’s Burger Shack Homer Alaska
Sea Otter Fajitas Marine Mammal Bar and Grill Alaska on Turnagain Arm
Grilled Seal Steaks Wolf Larsen’s Seal Grill San Francisco
Caribou Sausages Molly’s Mulchatna Air Charter
Beer & Salmon The Bloated Dog Whittier Alaska
Pickled Caribou Snouts Big Lare’s on Government Hill Anchorage and Whittier Alaska
Teriyaki Pineapple Beluga Chef Pepi Laurence Signaure Dish from Beluga Snaggers
Foie Gras Catholic Church in Brownsville Oregon
Pacific City Oregon is the terminus of the Vino Camino Real Wine Trail founded in 1437 by Francisco Pizarro. Wines to be tasted are of course the Hellishly good Dark Protruding Clematis grown right on the cliffs of Cape Kiwanda. The Premium wine of the evening will be provided by the Caravan of Trekkers who recently finished a re-enactment of Pilgrims crossing the Vino Camino Real in the 18th Century complete with stagecoaches and camels carrying wine skin bladders holding fortified wine. This group of Trekkers is the same group that was caught in Winter Storm Nemo 2013 near Boston Massachusetts. This is also the same group that was stranded in a local high school during the Blizzard and the same group being sued by the local school district because the wine carrying camels pooped all over the hallways in the High School. Apparently the High School is still very smelly. Yoast from Amsterdam, who starred in the Movie “The Way”, has traveled the entire way with this group of trekkers.
More Backround…..Pacific City is approximately ten miles north of Neskowin on the Oregon Coast. Neskowin was the site of the horrific slaughter of the Iowa Tourists recently by the giant man-killer King Salmon that is still apparently on the loose and last struck in Grants Pass Oregon mangling gumming and chewing up some California Tourists. The only known trigger food of the giant man killer salmon is Tillamook Cheese preferably an aged white cheddar.
Earlier on the 4th of July, in the early afternoon hours, the Tour de Oregon 4 Week Pinot Noir Binge Stage Race is scheduled to end in Pacific City this year.
As always at the Tour de Oregon Vicious Sid’s Laser Tattoo Removal and Bar Tours of Whittier Alaska will have a Booth.