Dateline December 8th Whittier Alaska…..
Captain Dan of Captain Dan’s Pagan Fishing Charters (CAPTDANPA) of Whittier Alaska has announced in a press conference on the steps of the Begich Towers that he is now using the IEHD (Improvised Exploding Halibut Device) to fish for halibut in Prince William Sound. Captain Dan’s Nom de Guerre is “The Lion of Whittier” also “Halibut Tarzan” and “The Tarzan of the North”. The IEHD is a BATHRAH (Bathtub Raised Halibut) as opposed to a FARRAHAL (Farm Raised Halibut) that has been implanted with an IED (Improvised Explosive Device). Captain Dan is a pagan and it is thought he recruits only atheist halibut for his program. The wire guided IEHD when deployed swims to the bottom of Prince William Sound locates a group of halibut enters the pod and explodes itself. The dead halibut are then collected as they float to the surface. It is generally acknowledged that halibut make the best fish and chips and that cod is just bait (except for lingcod and black cod).
Many people confuse the IEHD with the IEHBD (Improvised Exploding Halibut Bomb Device) which is an unlawfull outlaw device still used in Seward Alaska and is an air dropped fishing device.
It is thought that over one half of the bath tubs in the Begich Towers are being used to raise the BATHRAH.
The IESALD (Improvised Exploding Salmon Device) is in development by Kenai Contraceptives and Captain Dan’s Pagan Fishing Charters. Kenai Contraceptives is a fish based contraceptives company based in Homer Alaska. Kenai Contraceptives has developed the Salmon IUD (SALMIUD).
Rumors of a IEHND (Improvised Exploding Halibut Nuclear Device) are unconfirmed at this time.
DNA tests have confirmed that Captain Dan has halibut DNA implanted in every cell of his marbled body. During Halibut fishing season Captain Dan can be seen swimming nude at sunrise in the Whittier small boat harbor with no wet suit to cover his magnificently marbled body, his skin glistening in the early morning sun from the layer of rendered sea lion fat that has been slathered on his beautiful body. Captain Dan started his early morning swimming regime after reading about the “Amazing Walt Stack” from San Francisco. The Captain’s favorite movie is On the Edge with Bruce Dern and Walt Stack. File photo directly below of the Captain Swimming in Whittier:
Other Facts about Captain Dan:
His favorite wine themed movie is Corked a mockumentary about the Sonoma County California wine trade. Since his Halibut Charter boat is a converted German U-Boat you can guess his favorite submarine movie is Das Boot and his all time favorite movie since he is a pagan is of course Breaker Morant.
BATHRAH – Bathtub Raised Halibut
CAPTDANPA – Captain Dan’s Pagan Fishing Charters
FARRAHAL-Farm Raised Halibut
IED-Improvised Explosive Device
IEHBD – Improvised Exploding Halibut Bomb Device
IEHD-Improvised Exploding Halibut Device
IEHND – Improvised Exploding Halibut Nuclear Device
IESALD – Improvised Exploding Salmon Device
SALMIUD – Salmon Intrauterine Device
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