Kenai Contraceptives to Sponsor Tour de Oregon Pinot Noir Stage Race 2014

dateline Salem Oregon August 27th….at the State Capital under the Rotunda….

Kenai Contraceptives Executives and the Steering Committee of the Tour de Oregon Pinot Noir Stage Race announced that Kenai Contraceptives would be the proud sponsor of the 2014 Bike Race and that the sponsorship would continue for the next 5 Years. Race Organizers also announced that the 2014 Race would end at the Tillamook Cheese Factory on the Oregon Coast.

Affiche_Cycles_de_la_Métropole Pinot Noir Binge State Race Oregon

A sumptuous lunch spread was provided by Le Rogue Bull Catering of Portage Alaska. Tables throughout the Rotunda had heaping platters of Big Lare’s Pickled Caribou Snouts and a new Alder Smoked Caribou Snout. Dry Aged Walrus Cheeseburgers were being cooked in a Imported Italian Pizza oven that had been assembled inside the Rotunda, served on fresh baked Kaiser Rolls, and smothered with sea otter mozzarella. The Cheeseburgers were provided by Wille’s Burger Shack on the Spit in Homer Alaska.

In the hallways outside of the Rotunda Kenai Contraceptives gave out free samples of the following Products:

King Salmon Bacon Male Enhancement Product– Penis enlargement in Mammals not reptiles. Side effects: Accidental or intentional use by women causes Nymphomania.

Salmon Egg Fertility Treatment for Humans – “your kids will swim like fat little otters in a muddy pond”

Salmon Fin IUD – A Natural Product for Natural Contraception.

Salmon Skin Condom Coho and Chinook Super Size in packages of 12, 18 and 144.

On the Capital Grounds outside the Rotunda a petting zoo had been set up. The main attraction was one of the camels that had recently walked the Vino Camino Real Pilgrimage Trail all the way from Nova Scotia to Pacific City Oregon and was one of the Camels trapped in the High School outside Boston Massacusetts in the Blizzard of 2013. Organizers had also flown Inga from Sweden in. The same Inga who had saved many toddlers from certain death in Grants Pass Oregon from the Killer Salmon on the rampage in Southern Oregon. Inga was not technically part of the petting zoo, but it appeared many people wanted to touch her also.