Mass Hysteria Grips Grants Pass – Couple Killed on Caveman Bridge by King Salmon

dateline November 29, 2012 Grants Pass Oregon on the Caveman Bridge….early morning….

A taxi lies on it’s side, the roof is completely torn open, blood pools on the mist covered pavement and drips into the Rogue River….bloody bits of Tillamook Cheese, sharp cheddar, are sprinkled in the bloody froth on the pavement. Fish scales gleam in the early morning sun.  The remains of two Southern California tourists from Temecula  lie covered in a blue Tarp. The Massive Hulking Killer King Salmon that has been lurking in the Rogue River near Riverside Park has struck again. Forensic scientists on the scene surmise that the Fish had crawled onto the concrete girders of the Caveman Bridge and then dropped on top of the Taxi impaling it’s killer Tusks through the sheet metal roof of the late model 4 door Impala. Screams were heard for over 4 minutes in downtown Grants Pass as the fish chewed and gummed his victims with his razor sharp teeth. Many onlookers were thinking the same thing…..that this was worse than the pig in the Australian film Razorback. Fear grips the Rogue River Valley in it’s ugly grimey dirty palm…citizens were buying every box of wine they could find and heading for the hills or up/down I 5….temporary emergency shelters for residents have been set up in Medford, Roseburg and Bandon Oregon. Some people were seen heading west down the Rogue River, some boat thefts were reported….the National Guard was temporarily called out….but this was called off….an unnamed source reported that a commander in Eugene had said, “for God’s sake it’s just a Fish”.

Caveman Bridge Grants Pass Oregon scene of toddler massacre by killer salmon

The Taxi driver has not been found as of this morning, although unconfirmed reports had a crazy man running down the road near the Oregon Caves his clothes in tatters, blood stained….and streaks of white cheddar streaked on his half naked body.

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Whiskey Run Beach near Bandon Oregon Giant Tourist Killer King Salmon Spotted

Dateline Whiskey Run Beach near Bandon Oregon October 13th 2012…..

A massive Grey and Red Spotted Chinook Salmon weighing well over 200 pounds was spotted eating a dead seagull on Whiskey Run Beach near Bandon Oregon. Gold was discovered near Whiskey Run Beach in 1851. The Amphibious King Salmon with a Serious Tillamook Cheese problem left a trail up the beach not unlike a large sea turtle. Local officials were worried that the Salmon may go up the Coquille river to hunt for Toddlers in the parks that front the River. Mothers with Toddlers were urged to stay away from the rivers with young children and certainly not to pick nick with any kind of cheese or cheese products. Local officials were worried that the presence of the Iowa Tourist Killing King Salmon could ruin the end of the tourist season just like the Great white did in the movie Jaws.

Locals believe the fish could actually tear open cars and eat the occupants, this is what is believed to have happened a few days ago to the Iowa tourists massacred while vacationing in a motor home in Neskowin. One man said that it could be just like in the movie Razorback.

 

Giant Killer King Salmon has a Serious Tillamook Cheddar Cheese problem

Dateline October 11th Depoe Bay Oregon…..

A massive 25 pound block of aged white Tillamook cheddar has been strapped down to a raft in the Depoe Bay fish harbor near the docks. A sniper awaits on the deck of a local bar with a Winchester 338 hoping to get a head shot on the Killer Chinook salmon that has been terrorizing the beaches breakwaters and local parking lots. Aged white cheddar cheese is the only known trigger food for the Man Killing salmon beast….

The smell of Terror wafts through the small fishing village on the Oregon Coast…

Depoe Bay Bridge Oregon Coast site of Killer Salmon hysteria

Giant King Salmon with an Elongated Skull possibly Alien Half Breed

Dateline October 10th….Taft Oregon….

Feral Cats in Taft Oregon

A massive King Salmon, well over 200 pounds, was spotted chasing feral cats on the breakwater.  “It had a tremendous elongated skull and was obviously hungry and amphibious” stated a fisherman who had seen the monster. Bystanders and witnesses were sure that there were streaks of white Tillamook Cheddar cheese smeared down it’s flanks. The Cheese smears were a sure sign that this was the man-killer that slaughtered the Iowa Tourists in Neskowin. Many witnesses thought the fish was headed south to California. The Chinook Salmon with the elongated skull was massive in size and had huge hulking shoulders almost like a Chinese weightlifter.

Local Fisherman were seen at the Taft Safeway buying 2 pound chunks of all kinds of Tillamook Cheddar to bait their fishing poles with, one man had over 26 pounds of white Tillamook Cheddar said to be the fishes trigger food.