Vino Camino Real Pilgrimage Trail and Dark Protruding Clematis Wine Nectar of the Gods

Dark Protruding Clematis Meritage Gone Wild Cape Kiwanda OR

Kiawanda Cellars Presents Dark Protruding Clematis

dark clematis 2009

Cabernet, Zin and Sangiovese. Harvested by ripe young virgin Catholic Girls…that climb the cliffs of Cape Kiawanda (also spelled Kiwanda) naked to harvest the plump grapes at there peak of flavor. Grown on the Rocky Scenic Headlands of Cape Kiawanda on the Oregon Coast. Real wine for real people, this isn’t some sissy overpriced Pinot….

Wine & Food Pairings below:

Serve with Alligator Fajitas, Sea Otter Chili, Walrus Gumbo, Sea Elephant Bulgogi and a young Asian Co-ed. Also is the perfect wine for breakfast, serve with Buttermilk Flapjacks and Apple Cured Sea Lion Bacon. The perfect wine to serve with Asian food or a young Asian Medical Student.

This Meritage also pairs well with a good Walrus Cheeseburger, onion rings, tater tots and a cheerleader.

If you can find Walrus Mozzarella, and it is not easy to find, it is even better than Buffalo Mozzarella, but if you can find it Dark Protruding Clematis with the Walrus Mozzarella is truly the Last Supper.

Information on Kiawanda Cellars and The Vino Camino Real Wine Trail

Kiawanda Cellars is located on the Rocky Crags of Cape Kiwanda on the scenic Oregon Coast near the small town of Pacific City which is also the Terminus of the Vino Camino Real. The Vino Camino Real is the oldest wine pilgrimage trail in the new world, it runs from Nova Scotia in Northeast Canada to Pacific City. In the early days camels were used to pack large animal skin bladders filled with fortified wine clear across North America. Camels had to be used since other domesticated animals would chew on the bladders. Stagecoaches were also used to transport the camels that were carrying the large animal skin wine bladders, a special trailer attachment was hooked onto the back of the stagecoach and two camels could ride in relative comfort, of course wine muzzles were put on the camels to keep them from chewing on the wine filled leather bladders.

A little known fact is that Francisco Pizarro pioneered the Vino Camino Real prior to heading to South America. He was the pioneer that brought the first camels to North America and devised the highly technical wine muzzles to keep the camels from guzzling the fortified wine.

Dark Protruding Clematis is the house wine at fine dining establishments in Alaska: Hunchback Chum  Le Rogue Bull  The Bloated Dog  Willie’s Walrus Burger Shack

Dark Protruding Clematis meritage gone wild Pacific City Oregon

Wine Pilgrims caught in Blizzard on the Vino Camino Real the Oldest Pilgrimage Trail in the US

Dateline Feb 9th Boston Massachusetts early afternoon….

Wine Pilgrims trekking on the Vino Camino Real, the oldest wine pilgrimage trail in the United States, have been trapped outside of Boston in the Historic Blizzard that is pounding the upper NE of the United States. The Vino Camino Real starts in Nova Scotia and runs all the way to the pacific northwest ending at Pacific City and the rocky sandstone heights of Cape Kiwanda where the incredible 200 point wine find Dark Protruding Clematis is grown and harvested.

The group of over 100 pilgrims, along with 6 stagecoaches, 24 Horses and 12 camels is camping in a local high school gym. All 12 camels were loaded with the traditional wine bladders, and of course filled with the luscious nectar of the Gods, that were used hundreds of years ago to transport the vino across the country. Apparently the pilgrims have gotten into the wine, even though some of it was sacramental. There is also a problem with the horses and camels pooping in the hallways of the high school. Some animal rights activists have been picketing outside the high school because the camels are forced to wear the highly technical wine muzzles so that they won’t chew on the wine bladders that they are carrying.

The pilgrims hope to continue the trek in a couple days.

The pilgrims hope to be in Pacific City well before the fall harvest of the grapes on Cape Kiwanda, the grapes are always harvested by Naked Catholic Girls, the harvest is always a spectacular photo opportunity as the girls scamper up the sandstone cliffs above the crashing waves.

Francisco Pizarro statue to be erected on Cape Kiwanda Oregon at Pacific City

Dateline Valentine’s day 2013…..

A massive 400 foot statue of Francisco Pizarro the founder and first trekker on the Vino Camino Real Wine Trail founded in 1437 is to be erected on the highest point of Cape Kiwanda on the glorious fertile Oregon coast at Pacific City. Construction is to begin in the spring of 2013 and many volunteers are headed to camp on the beaches to be there for the initial ground breaking. Much of the money for the erection is coming from the Foie Gras factory in Brownsville Oregon where the Duck Egg Miracle occured.

Francisco is to be carved nude in blocks of native sandstone….many of the locals are not pleased.

Cape Kiwanda is the site and vineyard for the stunning jam whorish (a technical wine tasting term) 200 point red blend, Dark Protruding Clematis, which is bio-dynamic, artisan, and harvested by naked catholic girls in the fall, at night, under only a full moon and only if the harvest is above quality.

Enormous Pecker attached to a Francisco Pizarro Statue in Pacific City Oregon

Dateline June 27th Pacific City Oregon on the Sand Dune……

An Enormous Male Genitalia, anatomically correct in all aspects, is ready to be attached to the Massive Girthy Statue of Francisco Pizarro in Pacific City Oregon at the top of the Dune. The Large Male Appendage is over 16 feet long and will be attached with industrial adhesive. Riots erupted in the local Baptist Church. The Riots were quickly quelled by use of tear gas, mace and rubber shot gun shells by the always alert Francisco Pizzarro Security Force.

The Pecker is scheduled to be attached on the 4th of July, 2013, in the early evening, by skilled Italian stone masons. A wine tasting with appetizers is set to start at 6:00 PM that day. The Appetizers are truly a Tour de Force of Gastronomic treats not normally seen in your local supermarket or restaurants. Below is a partial list of the appetizers to be provided.

Appetizers are to include:      Provided By:

Squirrel Stew                         The Dead Squirrel Inn Annandale Virginia

Walrus Cheeseburger           Willie’s Burger Shack Homer Alaska

Sea Otter Fajitas                    Marine Mammal Bar and Grill Alaska on Turnagain Arm

Grilled Seal Steaks                 Wolf Larsen’s Seal Grill San Francisco

Caribou Sausages                  Molly’s Mulchatna Air Charter

Beer                                         The Bloated Dog Whittier Alaska

Pickled Caribou Snouts            Big Lare’s on Government Hill Anchorage and Whittier  Alaska

Teriyaki Pineapple Beluga         Chef Pepi Laurence Signaure Dish from Beluga Snaggers

Foie Gras                                  Catholic Church in Brownsville Oregon

Pacific City Oregon is the terminus of the Vino Camino Real Wine Trail founded in 1437 by Francisco Pizarro. Wines to be tasted are of course the Hellishly good Dark Protruding Clematis grown right on the cliffs of Cape Kiwanda. The Premium wine of the evening will be provided by the Caravan of Trekkers who recently finished a re-enactment of Pilgrims crossing the Vino Camino Real in the 18th Century complete with stagecoaches and camels carrying wine skin bladders holding fortified wine. This group of Trekkers is the same group that was caught in Winter Storm Nemo 2013 near Boston Massachusetts. This is also the same group that was stranded in a local high school during the Blizzard and the same group being sued by the local school district because the wine carrying camels pooped all over the hallways in the High School. Apparently the High School is still very smelly.  Yoast from Amsterdam, who starred in the Movie “The Way”, has traveled the entire way with this group of trekkers.

More Backround…..Pacific City is approximately ten miles north of Neskowin on the Oregon Coast. Neskowin was the site of the horrific slaughter of the Iowa Tourists recently by the giant man-killer King Salmon that is still apparently on the loose and last struck in Grants Pass Oregon mangling gumming and chewing up some California Tourists. The only known trigger food of the giant man killer salmon is Tillamook Cheese preferably an aged white cheddar.

Earlier on the 4th of July, in the early afternoon hours, the Tour de Oregon 4 Week Pinot Noir Binge Stage Race is scheduled to end in Pacific City this year.

As always at the Tour de Oregon Vicious Sid’s Laser Tattoo Removal and Bar Tours of Whittier Alaska will have a Booth.

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