Dateline January 27th early morning in The Bloated Dog Brew Pub and Grill in Whittier Alaska…..
Last night in the Entralibut Bistro in Whittier Alaska the Patrons rioted after seeing Donald Trump’s claim to have been a Navy Elephant Seal. As the news came out on the large flat screen behind the bar, many patrons spit out the entrails they were eating (the Entralibut is an entrail-only Bistro). Whittier Alaska has many ex Navy Elephant Seals who retire there to spend their golden years fishing for halibut and pickling blueberries. There was a tremendous amount of swearing and an effigy was burned on the dock. There was loose talk of clubbing him like a seal. This was unconfirmed, although a seal club was found in the men’s room near the Salmon Skin Condom machine.
Captain Dan of Captain Dan’s Pagan Fishing Charters was present during the riot. He was awaiting parts for his U-Boat/Halibut Charter Boat so that he can start his attack on Zazzle.com headquarters located near San Francisco Bay.
One patron who had been in Grants Pass Oregon during the Rogue Salmon Attack said this was worse than the paranoia and riot during that unfortunate event.
File Photo of Captain Dan in his prime is at left.